Cool after thrill

Kind of missing Janice Wong now. Been to her blog. I know she has been unhappy recently, over the past 2 months maybe? I think I know why.

It's been 3 weeks since my exams. About the same time I've spent almost everyday with Janice Wong. We've been together to do many relaxing and cheerful things like watching movies and having good food on an extremely regular basis. But I still feel she's unhappy.

Could it be at work? Could it be me? Could it be what else? I don't know. She always appear fine in front of me. I don't want her to feel only "fine". I want her to feel nice and happy all the time. Could it be that we've most of the time be at home? Hmm, what else could we have done outside then? We've done probably all of the normal couple stuffs already..

Could it be the people that we see having so much, resulting in us admiring them and what they have causing us to be unhappy? I think so..

Both of us are from normal average family where we have to work for every single thing ourselves: no short-cut. Me being only 23, still a year left before graduation really can't do much. Janice Wong, a nurse, don't earn much too. Can't do much. But I always tell her that she can seek comfort in the fact that she paid for her own University costs at $16k+ . I think that's a big achievement given the circumstances she's in. As for me, I always want so much, dream of so much. People may think I'm unrealistic but hey, isn't that what dreams are suppose to be? Haven't they heard that dreams come true? Haven't they heard that dreams fuel your drive? Haven't they know that dreams makes you forgive today and that tomorrow is all the more worth living for? To me, dream is hope. I'm a man with hope, ever optimistic. I believe. I have the belief. I believe I will succeed and own everything I ever desired for. No I'm not talking big. I just know I'm meant for something big. I know I'm always hungry. I know it's not me to settle for anything lesser than it could. Adding them up, it comes to this: "A man with hunger will not go hungry". This is what I am: looking for opportunities. I want to achieve so many things for three reasons: First, to make my ever-supporting father proud. Also, to give him a really good life that he really deserves. Let me tell you guys, he's the best father one can ever have. Whatever I do, right or wrong, he supports me, he advises me and he always believe in me. Effects on me? The more he does that, the more I want to do for him. I just love him.

Second, as you may have guessed, it's for Janice Wong. I love her with all my might. I love her with all my soul. I'd give her everything she asks for, as long as it's within my means - She knows that. Even in future, I want her to have everything. From her favourite diamond ring she deserves, to a car, to a penthouse condominium. Personally, my wish stops at a car and a house, whatever the house. Just because she likes it, it's been in my list to provide it for her. Can't you see? I just want her to be happy.

Years and years down the road, I want her to always have a smile when she thinks back on how we have met, how we have married, and how she had made the Biggest decision of her life. I want to be the person she knows she cannot live without. Every single day, I want her to know that her decision with me is the correct one.. I think that's love, that's a couple, that's beautiful isn't it? How to achieve that? Well,I think I've been on the right track, unless someone tells me I'm wrong. Nowadays, we have to be practical. Love alone can't feed you and stop your stomach from growling. You have to be practical and have Moolah! You can't expect your wife to be constantly envying others right? What does that make you? It case you guys disagree with me, well at least it's what I think about keeping your wife happy.

Janice Wong has all the freedom she wants. Every decisions, every move, every aspect of her life. Ask her, I've ever been supportive throughout, except this recent months. That being said, I think I'm the most 'equal' or balanced boyfriend I ever know. I take care of her emotional and material needs. I do become a monster once in awhile when I don't agree with things and it being way above my threshold. She has experienced it too. But I always got good reasons for it, normally reasons out of sense of principal. Other than that, I'm pretty much a cool and open dude. She knows that too. That's why recently she says I'm detestable and lovable. Well, I take it as a compliment because I would never want to be the Mr. Nice Guy because they are the most boring character in the book and they always die first. Don't you realize that bad guys are what makes the story interesting? That's me, I try to have both. She knows that too. She says I'm arrogant and proud. Yes. I can't tell you how proud I am about us and I always look up to our own relationship. So I can't accept flaws exceeding our "threshold". Is it wrong? I don't think so. Me being arrogant? Partly maybe? I believe in what I believe very much and there's only one person who can change me and that's myself. If you agree the aforementioned about myself, surely you can't dispute me on this because you would have agreed that I am a guy who knows things and know how to run my life better than any other guys can run their own. Like, being "balanced".

Thirdly, I'm working hard for myself because I want to satisfy the above two reasons. Yes.

That's me, always powered by hope and future. Yes. I'll make it.